Bum wars and friction
By Dirty Dross | July 8, 2008
I saw the most fantastic bum war in Dupont Circle yesterday. They were incredible. Some bum found another one and they challenged each other to a dual. Meanwhile, a girl from Colorado was sitting on my lap at a bench across the circle trying to make me ejaculate in my pants. Cops arrived and were not paying attention to us. So glad, I was. At the sight of sirens I almost had an accident.
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Our Nation’s economy
By Dirty Dross | July 8, 2008
Has shit gotten that bad over here in the U.S.? I mean can we not pay for anything. I am beginning to worry that I will end up giving head on street corners or be forced into enacting my much anticipated cartwheel routine. Shit is rough in these American streets. This gas, oh this gas. Just drop a little bit. We promise we will be more efficient. Just chill the fuck out. Gas is getting arrogant. I thought about robbing a twelve year old the other day. He looked too content with his situation. That led me to believe that he were loaded. I let him get away though. Jail just is not for me. I have pretty eye lashes I have been told. Want to hear something random but funny? Well, you have no choice. A friend of mine got “good times” tattooed on his ass. Yes, I know. Not the brightest idea. He was wasted when he did it. He is not a homosexual, although you would think he was with a tattoo like that. But he really did it. I just hope he never commits a crime because then good times will be had by some muscular inmate named Tyrone. Ewww.
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Opposite Sex
By Dirty Dross | July 3, 2008
I must say that the opposite sex is confusing me right now. I do not know what is going on. There is this one girl I know who was leaving to go to grad school at Duke and tells me the other night that she wants to fuck me before Saturday. Okay, sounds perfect, I think. She wanted me to plan a picnic and then fuck her somewhere in the woods in Rock Creek Park. She’s of that spirit. Rock Creek Park is in Washington, D.C., just so you know. She is telling me all of this at her going away party as her new boyfriend has just arrived. She and I had a previous history, but it was not that lengthy. Awhile ago I was able to unclothe her in her apartment in D.C. with ease, but penetration was not allowed. Fine by me, I said. I can wait. She had been giving me this lecture about how she was to be done with the random hookups. I said, yeah whatever. She gave me the same lecture last night but then kisses me as her boyfriend has his head turned. He is an economist from Russia working in D.C. Extremely curly hair. I had nothing against the guy. I just do not know if he knows that while his girlfriend is at Duke University pursuing her MBA, any bloke with a popped collar might be sliding their cock into her vagina. That’s the truth. Also, she has a weakness for Jewish boys. I mean a serious weakness for them. Moving on…I get a text message this morning with an excuse of all things! An excuse! She tells me that she overlooked a lunch that popped up in her calendar. Come on, now. We are not twelve. If you did not think that being bent over somewhere in Rock Creek Park was how you wished to say goodbye to D.C. then you should have never implied it. After that heartbreaking news, I made myself watch a “Sex and the City” episode. I needed Carrie Bradshaw’s answers in my life. My bad for this rant. If you actively checked this blog, then it is your fault. If not, I apologize.
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Blues
By Dirty Dross | July 3, 2008
Earlier this morning, I was looking for some blues music on indiestore. I write recommends for them from time to time so occasionally I get this random itch for a different genre other than hip hop and soul. Please do me this favor indiestore artists: do not add descriptions to your music profile that should not be up there. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of artists follow the rules. Yet some of you are just lying to yourselves. I mean as I scroll through the blues genre and begin listening, I find myself inundated with a lot of pop acoustic. I took guitar lessons for several years. I enjoy the acoustic guitar. But I wanted some fucking blues and just because you have one chord progression that sounds kinda bluesy does not mean that you can really call your music a blend of acoustic blues. This fusion bullshit has gone on too far. Some of it is just ridiculous. Led Zepplin fused blues and rock perfectly. Skynard did it with ease. Some of you are not doing it at all, but claim that you are. It sounds like some suburban-inspired pop that brings me back to my fucking high school experience. If I want to go back to that, then I will pop in some Jack Johnson or maybe play a few Blink 182 songs. Maybe even Oasis. When I think of the blues, I think of back alleys, country roads, moonshine, faces worn from pain, meaningful lyrics that almost cause me to weep, AND the blues scales. I do not think about spending the day at the mall as some of you make me feel. So change that shit up. Now this is not to say that all of you are doing this, but too many are adding descriptions that do not belong. So there there, I have said my bit.
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Carolina Cup
By Dirty Dross | March 30, 2008
It was a day that went from this…
to this…
and finally to this…
The Carolina Cup was nothing to fuck with. I did not have any idea what I was getting myself into. I went with like 25 Duke law kids and none of us acted accordingly. They rented a small bus that took us from Durham, NC to Camden, SC. Drinking began roughly around eight in the morning. Everyone at the race was inebriated. Some random guy tried to help us put up our tent, but then was arrested because he was so drunk. On top of that, a guy told me he would “End my life.” I had poured alcohol all over the back of his truck. He accused me of pouring “Andre” but I scolded him and then told him that I had filled the bottle up with Coronas. Of course my comments did not thwart confrontation. Oh yeah, piece of advice: Do not drink alcohol on any bus unless you are sure it will be stopping often. Or else you will be pissing in one of these:
Apple juice anyone?
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Hiatus, DISCO, JOSEPHINES ON WED., CAROLINA CUP
By Dirty Dross | March 27, 2008
Soooooo, I realize that this blog has been on a hiatus that has lasted too long. Blogs are real business people. Buttttttt, redlinekids is back. Get ready motherfuckers. You are about to be inundated with my thoughts. For those of you that have no clue, “redline” is a train line that runs from Maryland to Chocolate City (Washington D.C.). I grew up using that train and that is why I consider myself a “redlinekid.” Why I pluralized it for my domain name I still do not know. Moving on…the nation’s capital has been mischievous (as always). Especially in the music scene. It is getting disco crazy in Chocolate City. Well, to be honest, the vanilla of the city are disco crazy. That’s still cool though. Sometimes you need some disco in your life. One of the DJs who frequents these events is a floppy-haired intellectual named DJ Chris Burns. I went to high school with this guy in good ol’ Silver SPRANG, MD. Who knew he would be on the disco tip if you saw him back in the day? Ohh how people transform once they leave secondary schooling. I saw him spin at one of his “Disco City” events at Cafe Saint Ex off of 14th St. Needless to say, I loved it and am now a fan of disco in Washington. Tomorrow night is there DISCO event at Ultra Bar. Below is the flyer. Put on your goggles please.
I’d definitely fuck her.
Okay, what else we have to talk about today. Oh yeah, Saturday. Carolina Cup. Oh yes. A blackout drunk occasion for Southern aristocrats. I am neither southern nor an aristocrat.
It is going to get wild. I will be wearing one of these. Substitute the tie for a ridiculous bow tie and you have my southern garb. Friends rented a charter bus and we are leaving from Duke U. and headed to South Carolina. Drunk people will evolve this Saturday. I plan to get caught up in the movement.
Black people: Wednesday nights at “Josephines.” It is a must. You see me holding that Fiji bottle? So I go and ask for some water and of course that is what they hand me. I was thinking maybe something like a free ice water but no, fiji water. Come on bartender. This place is interesting though. On other nights, I do not think just anyone can get in. But of course on black night for twenty bones anyone can get in on the fun as long as they are properly dressed. There are women who are basically humping walls in lingerie in the corners of the lounge. They are paid to do this though. It looks like a burlesque house, but in a basement. If that does not make any sense then I apologize. The women are serious though. Add it to your list of things to do. Fellas, if you have a girl. Stay home. It might get ugly.
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